Everyone loves to laugh… even in church! The Lord created humor, so the church should be a place that is full of joy and laughter. On a Sunday morning, don’t forget to crack a few jokes. If you serve in the children’s ministry, then church jokes are necessary!
As a senior or associate pastor, we hope you find any of these jokes, however silly they may be, and use them daily. Often, a good joke is taken from your personal life, as funny things can always happen. It’s important to know your audience, as well as keep things clean! This is a church after all!
Estimated reading time: 10 minutes
Table of contents
Here’s what the Bible says about Jokes!
Proverbs 15:23
“A thoughtful person who finds joy in giving an apt reply— and how good is a timely word!”
This verse emphasizes the power of words when they are used wisely and skillfully. That could also include humor in appropriate situations.
Proverbs 17:22
“A cheerful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.”
Again, this verse doesn’t speak directly about clean bible jokes, but it does emphasize the effects of joy. Thus, it suggests that humor and laughter are good for one’s health!
Ephesians 5:4
“Nor should there be obscenity, foolish talk, or coarse joking, which are out of place, but rather thanksgiving.”
Now, this is a quote directly on coarse jokes, warning us not to use humor that’s inappropriate and always pick the Jesus jokes that are light-hearted and well-intended.
Generally, the Bible encourages believers to use language and words wisely and respectfully and with good intentions only. And, as with everything in life, context is crucial for these Bible jokes to become truly funny!
Longer Church Jokes
1. Adam’s Ribs
At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam’s ribs.
Later in the week, his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ‘Johnny, what is the matter, young boy?’
Little Johnny responded, “I have pain in my side. I think I’m going to have a wife.”
2. Applying the 10 Commandments
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six-year-olds. After explaining the commandment to ‘Honor thy father and thy mother,’ the teacher asked, “Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?”
Without missing a beat, one little boy answered, “Thou shall not kill.”
3. A Miracle?
Father O’Malley was driving down to Boston on Christmas Eve when got stopped for speeding in Medford. The highway patrol officer smelled alcohol on the priest’s breath and then saw an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car at the church outreach event.
He said, ‘Father, have you been drinking?’
‘Only water’, replied Father O’Malley.
The policeman asked, ‘Then how come I can smell wine?’
The priest looked at the bottle and said, ‘Good Lord! He’s done it again.’
4. Two Little Boys
Two little boys were at sitting together in a church during a wedding ceremony.
As the couple said “I do”, one of the little boys leaned over to the other and asked, “I wonder how many wives can a man have?”
The second little boy looked at his friend like he was an idiot and said, “He can have 16 wives.”
“How do you know that?” The first little boy asked.
“Weren’t you listening? The priest just said it. Four better, four worse, four richer, and four poorer.”
5. Hair Cut
Danny had recently passed his driving test and decided to ask his clergyman father if there was any chance of him getting a car for Christmas, which was yet some months away.
“Okay.” said his father, “I tell you what I’ll do. If you can get your ‘C’ level grades up to ‘A’s and ‘B’s, study your bible and get your hair cut, I’ll consider the matter very seriously.”
A month later Danny went back to his father who said “I’m really impressed by your commitment to your studies. Your grades are excellent and the work you have put into your bible studies is very encouraging. However, I have to say I’m very disappointed that you haven’t had your hair cut yet.”
Danny was smart and never lost for an answer. “Look dad. In the course of my bible studies I’ve noticed in the illustrations that Moses, John the Baptist, Samson and even Jesus had long hair.”
“Yes. I’m aware of that…” replied his father “… but did you also notice they walked wherever they went?”
6. The Church Choir
A church choir director was having a hard time getting the choir to sing together. No matter how hard he tried, they always seemed off-key and out of sync. One Sunday, the choir was particularly bad, and the director became frustrated.
After the service, an elderly man approached him and said, “I know what your problem is, son. You need to put a little honey on the end of the stick and the birds will come to you.” The director was confused and asked, “What does that mean?” The elderly man replied, “It means you need to put a little something sweet in your voice, and the choir will sing like angels.”
7. The Church Board Meeting
At a church board meeting, the members were discussing whether or not to buy a new chandelier for the sanctuary. The new pastor then said, “I think we should buy the chandelier. It will add to the beauty of the church and inspire our congregation.” One of the board members replied, “But pastor, we don’t have the money to buy a new chandelier.” The pastor responded, “Don’t worry, we’ll just raise the ceiling!”
8. Christmas Shopping
It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?”
“Doing my Christmas shopping early”, replied the defendant.
“That’s no offense”, said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?”
“Before the store opened.”
9. Running To Church
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran she prayed, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late! Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late!’
While she was running and praying, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off, and started running again!
As she ran she once again began to pray, ‘Dear Lord, please don’t let me be late…But please don’t shove me either!’
10. Golfing
Jesus, Moses, and an old bearded guy were playing golf. On the first tee, Moses shanked his ball into a lake. He parted the water and hit his ball onto the green.
Jesus teed off, hitting his ball into another water hazard. But he walked on water and stroked his ball just short of the cup.
Then the old man with the beard stepped up for his tee shot. He hit the ball with tremendous force, but hooked it badly. The ball bounced off the clubhouse roof, hit the cart path, and rolled down a hill into a pond, coming to rest on a lily pad. A frog hopped over and picked up the ball, then an eagle swooped down, snatched the frog, and flew over the green. The frog dropped the ball, and it rolled into the cup for a hole in one.
Moses turned to Jesus and said, “I hate playing golf with your dad.”
11. God is Missing
Twin seven year old boys were always getting into trouble. Their parents knew if any mischief was reported in town, the twins were probably involved. Their mother heard that a preacher in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The preacher agreed, but he asked to see them individually. The mother sent one boy in the morning, with the other boy to see the preacher in the afternoon.
The preacher, a huge man with a deep booming voice, sat the boy down and asked him sternly, “Do you know where God is, son?” The boy made no response, sitting there wide-eyed with his mouth hanging open. So the preacher repeated the question in an even sterner tone, “Where is God?!” Again, the boy made no attempt to answer.
The preacher raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy’s face and bellowed, “WHERE IS GOD?!” The boy screamed, ran directly home and hid in his closet. When his twin brother found him in the closet, he asked, “What happened?” His brother replied, “We are in BIG trouble this time! GOD is missing, and they think WE did it!”
Shorter Church Jokes
- Why couldn’t the Israelites initially enter the Promised Land? It wasn’t the Pinky Promised Land.
- What did the classmate say when asked why they kept walking next to the same person at school? “I was told I’m supposed to walk by Faith!”
- Which Bible character was super-fit?Absalom.
- Why didn’t Noah go fishing? He only had two worms.
- What is the best way to study the Bible? You Luke into it.
- How do you know that atoms are Catholic? They have Mass.
- What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin’ Catholic.
- Why did the priest giggle during his homily? He had Mass hysteria.
- What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer? A father-in-law.
- Why did the sponge go to church? It was hole-y.
- What did God do to cure Moses’ headache? He gave him two tablets.
- What did David have in common with Hamilton? He wasn’t going to throw away his (sling)shot.
- Why did Boaz hate lying? Because he loved truth.
- How are toddlers and those who attempted to build a tower to Heaven similar? They all babble.
- Why didn’t anyone want to fight Goliath? It seemed like a giant ordeal.
- What did Daniel tell his real estate agent? “I’d prefer a house with no den.”
- Who in the Bible knew the most people? Abraham knew a Lot.
- What’s a believer’s favorite fruit? Spiritual.
- How did Joseph make his coffee? Hebrewed it.
- What’s loved by Noah and also most meat-eaters? Ham.
- Which minor prophet is well-known thanks to cookies? Famous Amos.
- What do you call a prophet who’s also a chef? Habakkuk.
More Funny Jokes
- What did Adam say to Eve when handing her something to wear? “Take it or leaf it.”
- When someone needed a boat made, what did the people in town say? “We Noah guy.”
- How do you know Pharaoh was athletic? He had a court.
- What did the family members say when asked who would say grace? “Grace.
- What size was the lumber that was made to build the ark? 2×2.
- How would you rate Jael’s camping skills? Tent out of tent.
- What’s a Christian’s favorite card game? Eucharist.
- How do pastors like their orange juice? With pulpit.
- At what time of day did God create Adam? Just before Eve.
- When is medicine first mentioned in the Bible? When God gave Moses two tablets.
- How do you make Holy Water? Get regular water and boil the devil out of it.
- Who is the greatest babysitter mentioned in the Bible? David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep.
- Who was the fastest runner in the race? Adam, because he was first in the human race.
- I went running with my Bible… Now my Psalms are sweaty.
- When was meat first mentioned in the Bible? When Noah took ham into the ark.
- How do we know Peter was a rich fisherman? By his net income.
- Who was the smartest man in the Bible? Abraham. He knew a Lot.
- How do pastors like their orange juice? With pulpit.
- Why do Reformed people call Holy Communion, The Lord’s Supper? They can’t spell Eucharist.
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